Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
