Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
