Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
