Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
