her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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