She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a search helicopter?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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