I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
