she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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