He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there is glitter all over my balls
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