Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize