check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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