Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
