The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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