Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
