What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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