You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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