Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
