i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize