Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
