i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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