Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize