This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
