then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
