umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
