She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
