from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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