There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
