I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
