I'm eating all of the evidence.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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