Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love having hate sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize