there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
