I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
