A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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