If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize