Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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