I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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