I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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