He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
