I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
