You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
