I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm too high and old for this...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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