Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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