you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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