I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
