dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
