Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
