I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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