thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
