go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
