Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He felt like a one man threesome
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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