dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
