Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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