If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
