If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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