So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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