I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
