I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
