we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
