omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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