I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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