You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
