I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
