Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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