The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
