i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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