no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
