somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
