matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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