the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
