you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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