I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
