I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
