dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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